Persuasive Argument Paper

Alexandria McMahon


Doctor Zerwin

Senior Lit. and Comp. Period 3

17 November 2010



Do Teenagers Know What Sex Is?



“When I was younger I expected I would lose it to someone I loved. Every girl did. It would be with a long-time boyfriend. I would have strong feelings about it. And that’s it. [...] I held off having sex before because I had the notion I would wait for love. I wasn’t sure I’d ever be loved, and I was tired of waiting” (Cohen 61). Is that why the country has an epidemic of teen pregnancies--because teenagers got “tired of waiting?” The culture is bombarding adolescents with the idea that sex is okay, and the media is continuously sexualizing our society. Are teenagers to blame for taking notice and simply taking part? At the vulnerable ages of adolescence and puberty, young kids are learning about emotions and hormones. But are any of them mature enough to decide that they are ready to take on physical intimacy with another--to have sex? No. Teenagers are too dependent on sex: they place all their confidence and their self-image in their sexual relations. Teenagers are not ready or mature enough to have sex.



Teenagers no longer wait for love, for true intimacy. Instead, they have resorted to a lesser abasement. In her memoir, Sarah Cohen openly and graphically discusses how she turned to sex whenever she craved attention or love or when depression lurked. She specifically talks here about her first time, and losing her virginity to a friend “[...] I have no sense we are “one,” as the cliche goes. I have no sense of anything. Just an emptiness. A disappointment” (Cohen 61). Is that what we resort to--a lower standard of love due to degradation of one’s self, insecurities, and for the most part, the overall degradation of love itself? Cohen imagined like “every girl did” that she would be in love and lose her precious virginity to that “one” person (Cohen 61). However, because of the pressures from peers, lack of self-esteem, and her dependency on the justification that she was “loved,” she decided to no longer wait. At what point do we shoo away those fantasies of monogamous, not-all-about-the-physical-stuff relationships and instead settle with a person only looking for one thing--and let’s not beat around the bush, we all know what that one thing is. Teenagers are under subsequent bombardment of sex, and yes, it is biologically normal to feel the attractions--physically--toward another, and many are pressured either from friends or relationship counterparts to participate in sexual acts, but this is not an excuse.



All teenagers are under the same pressures on a daily basis, yet many are still able to resist and manage the same constant, monotonous feed of sex from multiple sources; many teenagers are not practicing sex at all. Abstinence is a noun defined as the act of practicing or refraining from indulging an appetite or desire (“Abstinence”). It is as simple as that. It is an act of refrainment, and also a choice. A representative from the Foremost Premium Research Database Service says it best when he describes how abstinence works: “Even if you have been sexually active in the past, abstinence remains a choice in your current or future relationships” (“What Teens Really”). Many misunderstand, believing that they can not be abstinent due to past choices. This is not true. It is a choice made from that decision on, and some might want to reconsider due to one staggering and exemplary fact that “Sixty-one percent of teen girls say teens often have sex because of pressure from a boyfriend. Boys say they have sex because they want to be popular and because boys get teased if they’re virgins” (“What Teens Really”). Do those same boys know that half of all teen pregnancies occur during the first six months after sexual activity begins? (“What Teens Really”). Often, sex occurs due to a desire to jump in the ranks of popularity, not due to the desire to be intimate with another or to strip down to literally nothing-- nothing not only representing the physical nakedness, but also the emotional exposure too. Sex takes both men and women on an emotional tailspin. For whatever reasons, teenagers choose to either give into a sexual world that represents no value, or give in out of greediness. Teens desperately need to acknowledge these statistics and facts to see that sex has consequences at such a vulnerable age and is not to be taken lightly. The representative from the Foremost Premium Research Database Service wraps it up in a nutshell: “Without respect, a relationship is doomed” (“What Teens Really”).



And how can teens claim respect for themselves or sex when they do not have enough respect for themselves to know when they are, or when they are not, in a healthy, sexual relationship? A person cannot claim respect for himself when he views sex as the sole option of gaining both emotional and physical closeness. Are teens even aware that there are other ways to be intimate? Talking, and going out on dates, and kissing, are just a few alternative ways of being intimate. And there are still other options.The Foremost Premium Research Database Service suggests that “mutual ‘outercourse’ (caressing each other with clothes on) is a way to experience pleasure without running risks” (“What Teens Really”). Obviously, there are many other ways to be intimate with a partner besides sex, but many teens would not know, whether it is because they refuse to accept that sex is not the only way to be intimate with another, or because they are simply ignorant of other options. Teenagers are not educated in other ways to be close to another partner and ultimately young teens’ ideas of intimacy only amounts to sex. When teens skip all other means of close communication believing that sex is the only currency of intimacy, then they are being rash and ignorant--simply put, they are not maturely seeing all the options.



American society is sending mixed messages to teenagers making it hard for them to dissect and understand. The American society as a whole is filled with sex, sex, and more sex. The media makes it seem incredibly important but does not ever seem to explain why. And then hypocritically, teens are fed statistics of STDs, pregnancies amongst their own, and constant reasons why they should not have sex. We are in the midst of a culture that “simultaneously condemns and glorifies sexual activity” (“Northwest Florida”). If this is all teens see and know--continuous mixed messages--then are they really to blame? Many believe that Europe has the right idea when it comes to sex and their teenagers. Many European countries have greatly lowered percentages of teen pregnancies, STD’s, and other teen epidemics that America has yet to grasp charge of. In America, many believe that if we just preach safe sex and hand out condoms, then our teens will start looking like Europe’s - but that is not exactly the case. In Europe most adults do not see teenage sex as a problem if protection is used; their main goal is to help their teens develop healthy sexuality, according to the article “Teen Sex--What’s a Parent To Do?”. However, Dr. Jany Rademakers reminds us that, “It took fifteen to twenty years to get to today’s level” (Lerman). Rademakers also says that the European countries she visited “left behind their discomfort when they made their vast social changes in the sixties. Their motivation to lower abortion rates, unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections was strong enough to overcome their judgmentalism about youthful sex” (Lerman). America is making it hard on teens during an already difficult time in their lives. Throwing mixed messages at them of whether sex is okay or not has obviously proven to be a bad policy- look at the statistics. The judgment on both sides of the issue damages teens, and the reason why there are less issues in Europe with teen-sex is because the adults have a consensus on the message they are giving and have thrown judgement away. Dr. Jany Rademakers says, “In the Netherlands we don’t have good girls who don’t have sex and bad girls who do. We have bad girls who don’t use contraception” (Lerman). However, here in America, we have iconic “good girls” playing “bad” ones.



“Stacy Ferguson, also known as “Fergie,” released her hit song of “Fergalicious” hitting number 2 on Billboard’s Hot 100 singles chart. Her lyrics in the song include her telling the audience that she is not “easy,” “sleazy,” or “promiscuous”. However, Fergie sings these very same lyrics while wearing “a tiny Girl Scout uniform-- a cropped, midriff-baring top, and a short, pleated skirt. She also dons a bathing suit and rolls in a cake, singing about how ‘delicious’ she is”(Dahl).



Girls base their self-esteem off of women who roll around in frosting and wearing outfits made for girls more than half their age - what a role model!



Teenagers all too often, do not have enough confidence. Even when they do, it rides on what is “in,” what their peers think, and of course, the sexual justification that tells them that they are valid. They do not even understand to what extent their self-esteem and confidence rides on their sexual relations. The degradation of sex has become too familiar and too usual. In the media and amongst peers, sex is just another casual topic of discussion and action of participation. One teen said, “I was waiting for that magical connection. You know? I was waiting for us to be [...]” (“Sex Talk”). She continued to state that “sex is basically moves you memorize and a thing you do in your free time, maybe something you crave every now and then. Nothing else” (Sex Talk). Girls, women, and even men need to acknowledge the true value of sex, the separation it should have from one’s perception of himself, and the dangerous dependency on unhealthy relationships. This teenage girl has already accepted that sex is casual - even with a long-term boyfriend - and nothing special. Teens are cheated of the value of sex and intimacy because all they know is that sex is the only way to become close to a partner.



Teens may have sex, but they should not rely on peers and media to decide when - teenagers should take the time and responsibility to know when they, personally, are ready and mature enough to handle sex and all that comes with it. As the American Social Health Association says, “Great sex doesn’t have to always require penetration of the body. More than that, it means penetration of the mind: Finding out what your partner likes … exploring what you like, being creative. Fooling around without fooling yourself” (“What Teens Really”).





















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